I watched Amelie for the second time tonight, and tonight it stuck with me a lot more than it did when I first watched it.
When I first watched it, I was in a relationship, fairly optimistic about the future, and viewed it more as something I had to watch for class than as something I should watch for fun and feel the raw emotion and power of the movie as it is. Tonight, I am single, feel more pessimism for relationships than ever before, and watched Amelie to experience the movie for the great piece of art and love that it is.
I don’t think I can express how hard this movie hits, and how much hope and longing for love that it imparted upon me.
A brief synopsis: Amelie is a girl living in Paris. She is cripplingly shy, lonely, and about as introverted as they come. She feels nothing but disdain for her lackluster life, yet lacks the bravery or conviction to change her circumstances, until she sets out to make the lives of others better. In the process, she falls in love and begins to realize that, if she doesn’t change, all she can see for herself is dying alone and brokenhearted, having accomplished nothing to help mankind or enrich her life.
I love the way that the film handles the portrayal of love and intimacy between Amelie and Nino. The climax of the film is by far my favorite part of the movie. The way Amelie and Nino are hesitant with each other, yet Amelie is dying to let him know how much she loves him and how eagerly she has looked forward to the moment, the way the entire soundtrack cuts out and all you can hear is the breathing, movements, and kisses as they truly meet for the first time and share the quiet intimacy of the moment… a kiss on the upper lip, a kiss on the neck, and a kiss on the eyelid… the entire scene takes two minutes, but in the suspended atmosphere of time and space that occurs when such moments happen in real life, the scene seems to last forever, just these two, sharing each other…
I remember having that… and I desperately want that simple intimacy again… I’ve told myself it won’t work, I’ve told myself many things: that she’s too different, that she’s going away, that I don’t want to be in a relationship right now, that I want to fly solo and be my own person with nothing to worry about but myself.
But I think it’s all a lie. So what if she is different? If we truly find love for each other, our differences won’t matter. So what if she is going away? Enjoy the time you’ll have together, and maybe in the future we could become something more. I don’t want to be in a relationship right now? Yes, I do, just not the one I used to have, not one that will stifle me, that will change the very core of my being just to make her happy when I myself felt so much doubt and exhaustion for trying to change myself for her. Flying solo? Crawling with a friend is better than flying by yourself. Only having to worry about myself? I have a servant’s heart by nature, and making that one special girl feel protected, safe, warm, and loved in my arms is one of the feelings that I love the most…
If she says no? At least I tried… and someday, I will find the right one.
I think I’ll tell her…